[ncis/sga] Highly Classified and Very Hush Hush
“This is weird,” DiNozzo is saying, hands in his pockets.
Kate keeps staring. “Really weird.”
Abby tilts her head to the side, admiring, and grins. “Good weird,” she purrs.
Gibbs sometimes wonders what he did to deserve these morons, but then he looks through the one-way window at three naked and extremely uncomfortable-looking Marines and figures it could be worse. He could be their boss. At least his idiots are wearing pants—even if DiNozzo’s are probably made by some nancy Italian.
“This is stupid weird,” he growls, and throws his now-empty coffee cup in the general direction of the trash can—the fact that it nails DiNozzo upside the head is incidental. “Talk to me, DiNozzo.”
“Right,” Tony says, clutching at the coffee cup and clearing his throat. “Sergeant Harry Norman, staff sergeant Mark Yeoman, and Corporal Edward Harris—found naked and extremely disoriented in a mall in Bethesda.” DiNozzo leans in to Kate, whispering conspiratorially, “They were in that Teavana you like.”
“Okay, there goes one errand for the weekend,” Kate mutters.
Gibbs rubs the bridge of his nose and DiNozzo hurries to say, “Marines were found with an unidentified piece of tech—McGee is down in the lab with it as we speak—and no identification outside of their tags. Even weirder—” DiNozzo produces a thin file folder with flourish, and Gibbs has to bite down on the smile that wants to creep across his mouth at that “—they’re supposed to be stationed at a highly classified research based in, get this, Boss—Antarctica.”
“I knew the government was doing something up there,” Abby exclaims. “I read this fantastic book—well, not a book, really, kind of an online manifesto—about how there’s this entire research facility in the ice up there, Gibbs, and how they’ve got secret alien technology—”
“They, Abby?” Gibbs asks, because if he lets her she’ll probably keep going, and then DiNozzo will encourage her and the whole day will go to hell in a hand basket.
Abby grins, sheepish. “Technically, us.”
“Damn the man,” DiNozzo whispers.
“Why are they still naked?” Gibbs growls. He hasn’t seen that much pasty, embarrassed man since boot camp and he hasn’t missed it.
“Ducky’s sending Jimmy up with some spare scrubs,” Kate reassures him. “He should be up here any minute now.”
“And where the hell is their CO?” Gibbs says. “Have they even broken any laws?”
“Mostly small potatoes stuff—public indeceny, disturbing the peace, etcetera,” DiNozzo says, automatic. “But frankly, they seemed pretty baffled by how they ended up naked in a boutique tea shop, too. As for their CO, Boss, even weirder. But Kate can tell you since she lost the coin toss.”
Kate makes an aggrieved face. Gibbs can’t believe that she used to protect the president, was part of the most elite protective force in the world—and two years with Tony has reduced her judgment to making professional decisions based on spare change. Gibbs can’t ever let Tony leave NCIS, the man should be qualified as a weapon of mass destruction.
“Their CO is a Major Evan Lorne—also stationed at said highly-classified research base in Antarctica but, and this was made abundantly clear to both Tony and I all three times we called—”
“Including the time Tony called pretending to be Admiral Mullen,” Abby adds.
Gibbs shoots DiNozzo a poisonous look.
“—that there was no chance in any circle of hell we were getting him on the phone,” Kate continues. But before Gibbs can start raising his voice, Tony cuts in:
“However, the military commander of the entire Antarctic base is apparently on leave and stateside, and he’s been dispatched to come collect his men. Oh, and the base commander? Is Air Force.” Tony grins: a million watts, enough to light Times Square for a decade.
Gibbs rubs at his face. “I hate Tuesdays.”
*
Gibbs actually hears Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard before he sees him, a irritated voice that snaps out every word, asking, “Excuse me? Who here’s Special Agent, God, what the hell kind of name is Leroy Jethro Gibbs? He’s got something that belongs to me!”
“Oh God,” he hears DiNozzo whisper to Kate, “this is going to be the best train wreck ever.”
Gibbs throws a pen at him and stands up, clearing his throat. “That’d be me.”
Everything they say about the Air Force is still true, Gibbs thinks, smirking, when he sees Sheppard: red-faced and furious, a little on the soft side and stomping around the office in a CalTech t-shirt and cargos—it’s like seeing McGee ten years older with 30 percent less hair.
“Colonel Sheppard,” he says, trying for gracious. The mirrored looks on DiNozzo and Kate’s faces make him aware he’s fallen pretty deplorably short.
The man’s blue eyes go wide. “Colonel?—oh, um, I’m not—”
“You couldn’t wait five minutes for me to park the car,” somebody says, disgusted. And when Gibbs turns to spot stranger number two, it’s to somebody who shares a barber with DiNozzo, dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. If they gave this guy lieutenant bird—the Air Force is in much worse shape than Gibbs had thought.
“You were taking forever,” the first man argues, flustered. “And God only knows what they’ve done with—”
Gibbs interrupts, saying, “Your men are fine, Lieutenant. Naked and a little embarrassed, but fine.”
The blond one makes a dismissive noise, flapping a hand. “Please. My name is Dr. Rodney McKay—I’m the lead scientist on the Antarctic project and I could give a damn about the Marines, I’m here for the experimental technology they had with them.”
“I,” the dark-haired one says, wry, “on the other hand, am here and giving a damn about the Marines.” He gives Gibbs a bemused smile, extending a hand. “Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard—I’m sorry about all this mess.”
*
Lieutenant Colonel Wearing Ratty Jeans is, admittedly, pretty hilarious with his men, all three of whom—thankfully now wearing scrubs—nearly crap themselves when he walks into interrogation.
“Holy shit, sir!” Yeoman says. “We thought—”
“That Major Lorne would be coming?” Sheppard asks, wry. “Yeah, me, too. Turns out, the dubious pleasure of springing you three from NCIS fell on me. During my leave.”
The trio wince in tandem, and Gibbs wonders if there isn’t anything else to Colonel Ratty Jeans. Marines don’t usually respect anyone unless they’ve earned it—and Gibbs can’t imagine many jobs babysitting scientists crop up that many opportunities to do so.
“Sorry, sir,” Harris says. “We really don’t know what happened.”
Sheppard shrugs, helping himself to a free chair in the room and making himself comfortable, feet kicked up on the table. He’s loose in the shoulders and unconcerned, and Gibbs thinks that if he had to call this guy his CO, he might die a little on the inside.
“Me,” Sheppard starts, too casual, “I personally don’t care. It was only killer breakers and California sun and sleeping, after all.”
All three marines wince.
“Now McKay,” Sheppard continues, and the Marines pale, “McKay was furious. Went off on one of his very special screeds from Reagan all the way over here—about how he was going to kill you and send you to study sand or manage Parrish or hang out with the geologists—but me.” Sheppard smiles at them all sweetly. “Me, I’m totally cool.”
“Sir!” they plead, in perfect unison—just as the door to interrogation is flung open and a furious McKay storms in, face bright red, clutching some sort of flashing remote control in his hands.
“You!” he shrieks.
Sheppard clears his throat. “Rodney?” he says, and raises his brows in the direction of the one-way glass.
“Oh, for—” McKay starts, and turns to the mirror, pulling another gizmo out of his pocket and dropping it onto the table before he turns back—waving his hands like a flight controller. Except he’s perfectly mute doing it, and Gibbs can see his mouth moving.
“DiNozzo!” Gibbs snarls and in the background Tony’s saying, “It’s not on our end, Boss—nothing’s off, none of the mikes are reading anything. It’s like he’s sucked all the sound out of the room and hey why don’t I just stop while I’m ahead here—Kate?”
“That door was locked,” she insists.
Gibbs glares at her. “Then how did he get in?”
“Maybe he picked the lock? Real fast?” Tony offers, and before Gibbs can reach over to slap him silly he’s saying, “On it, boss,” and out of the room—headed toward interrogation.
On the other side, just as Tony opens the door, Sheppard has neatly collected McKay’s trinket from the table and gathered his three shamefaced and slightly-ill-looking Marines, corralled a still frothing McKay, and just as Tony opens his mouth, the noise suddenly switches back on, in time for Sheppard to say: “Sorry about that—highly classified, very hush hush.”
“Oh screw that,” Gibbs growls.
*
“Apparently,” he mutters, one hour and one conference call from the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the president later, “It’s highly classified and very hush hush.”
Abby looks at McGee who looks at Kate who looks at DiNozzo—who’s looking into the other end of the room where the three Marines are still cowering before a still-red McKay, who’s being compelled to stay seated by Colonel Sheppard, one firm hand on McKay’s shoulder holding him down. Sheppard’s talking into a cell phone, smiling as he says, “Yes, thanks General O’Neill. No—no need to worry, but it’s one of the hazards of a scientific expedition. No, we’ve got our own ride, Ronon’s services won’t be necessary.” A pause. “Although. He’s actually a better driver than McKay.”
“Hey!” McKay snaps.
“This is still weird,” Kate says.
Tony nods. “This is still very weird.”
Pouting, Abby says, “Sadly, this is no longer naked weird.”
“I watched a TV show like this,” Tony says.
“What—military themed porn?” Kate mutters.
“Hah! But no,” Tony retorts. “I meant the shadowy government conspiracy and snazzy ultra-secret technology part, Kate—not the nudity. It was called Wormhole X-Treme and—”
Gibbs cuffed him upside the head.
“—Right,” Tony says. “Thank you, Boss.”
“I hate Tuesdays,” Gibbs says, and reaches for his coffee.
Thank god. Now I don’t have to do it. *G*
Have I told you lately how much I love you?
‘Cause I do.
I *was* thinking about offering you my firstborn son, but while cute, I think he’s older than you and, also, married.
Secondborn is about your age, but, while also cute, has serious steady girlfriend.
Thirdborn is cute and unattached, but probably a little young (unless you like ‘em that way…). He *is* legal and tall, but alas, probably not nearly smart enough for you. (But he’s *sweet*.)
(Fourthborn isn’t legal yet.)
This is the best comment I have ever gotten. Ever. In the history of time.
*falls over choking with laughter*
Oh my God. I just… there are no words. *hand waves emphatically*
I love you *so much* right now.
Damn, I woke up my neighbour again…oh well. ;)
YES! *fists of triumph* You own me :)
I will do any number of embarrassing things to see one upmanship between DiNozzo and McKay
“We’ve got a Goth Doctor, and we’re not afraid to use her!”
“HA! We have Goth Catfish On Heavy Narcotics! Beat that!”
“…..I’m a little disturbed how convincing that was.”
Oh, two of my favorite things :)
You are a genius! Please write more cause this was made of awesome. *g*
I nearly choked: it’s PERFECT. Thanks :D
This is hilarious! I’ve seen just enough NCIS to get that end of it, and watching John make marines suffer is something that just never gets old.
“Oh God,” he hears DiNozzo whisper to Kate, “this is going to be the best train wreck ever.”
Oh, ahahaha, oh my HEART. You are so, so awesome.
“Oh God,” he hears DiNozzo whisper to Kate, “this is going to be the best train wreck ever.”
Oh, ahha, ahahahaha, oh my *HEART*!
::LOVES THEM ALL::
ha! this filled a need I never knew I had for a NCIS/SGA crossover. nicely done.
hahaha. AWESOME.
(Also, dammit, now I have to start watching NCIS.)
Oh my God. This is pretty much the most awesome thing ever, times a million. NCIS! And SGA! I desperately want O’Neill and Gibbs to meet up and be gruff at one another, and possibly then move on to fight crime. And DiNozzo and Sheppard would discuss haircare, and McKay would develops a massive crush on Abby. Or something. Please write more of this!
You are my God.
I’ve been reading your East Coast Gazette for a while now, mainly to get my SGA slash fix, but this, this is insanity. You see, I just finished watching every episode of NCIS created this morning, with the latest season finale, and what do I find? Two of my fav shows in a crossover. And it’s perfect. They could definitely be the same universe. Though, if you decide to slash it, I personally find Gibbs/DiNozzo creepy. Lol, thankyou for the fic though, made my day!
“Sorry about that—highly classified, very hush hush.”
“Oh screw that,” Gibbs growls.
*
“Apparently,” he mutters, one hour and one conference call from the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the president later, “It’s highly classified and very hush hush.”
*cackles*
Oh, your Gibbs is the perfect amount of snarky and exasperated. LOVE!
That was pretty fantastic.
For this? You totally own my soul. *Totally* Please, I’m begging you, there has to be more. It doesn’t have to be this storyline, just more of seeing-SGA-gang-from-an-outside-oblivious-pov. Or I can just go back and re-read this, and then re-read again. It was seriously made of awesome.
Ahahahaha. I love the outside perspective on all of it. Awesome.
Heh, NCIS/SG-anything is one of my major loves. *if only more people would do it as brilliantly as this*
In case I wasn’t clear, this was wonderfully brilliant.
This? Is most definitely brilliant. Especially since I bought season 2 of NCIS yesterday.
This is totally perfect, I can just see all of them, they are so totally in character and Sheppard would indeed drive Gibbs up the wall.
>>“Sadly, this is no longer naked weird.”
Dies!
Awesomely funny just so funny. I love NCIS I love SGA I love how well you mush them together.
Peace
Oh so much love right now. What a perfect cross-over. I’m slowly falling for NCSI (yas, partly your fault), and seeing their perspective on SGA was hilarious. And John! torturing the marines with Rodney, and being all loose limbed and all, oh your takes on John are always excellent. And Rodney, so not caring about the marines and just wanting his piece of tech. Such fun!
That was so perfect! I hope there’s more eventually *grins*
If you were here, I would feed you and pet you and give you my new imac if you would only keep making such amazing fic. A true goddess such as yourself should have much tribute. I have a beloved cat or two if you so desire. But sadly, no strapping young men to send your way. (Just as well because I fear if you had strapping young men, I might not get fic.) Thanks for sharing your world!
Ahahahaha. Dude, this is perfect.
This was great. I just got into NCIS this season, I somehow missed the previous seasons. Best NCIS/SGA I’ve read ever. Thanks for sharing.
In my little crossover world Greg House, Jack O’Neill, and Jethro Gibbs are cousins or childhood best friends and they all get abducted by alien baddies while taking a fishing vacation at Jack’s cabin.
Alternatively, Ford’s sister gets pissed off with all the evasions and hounds NCIS to run a special investigation. Gibbs, being the hardcore loyal marine that he is, takes up the challenge.
Also have you read “Stardust”? NCIS/SG1 crossover? It’s pretty good.
This was fantabulous! Seriously - everyone was spot on, and so, so hilarious.
Oh, and yes! to Gibbs who’d die a little if he had to work for Sheppard.
OMG! I’d offer you my first born son but he’d whine because he’s only 13-but hey, get ‘em young and train him up right is what I say…lol
I adored this-and poor Gibbs…lol
*flail*
I’m fairly new to watching NCIS (I caught an episode a couple of weeks ago, and then proceeded to inhale seasons 1 - 3, and I am so very very much in love), and even more new to hunting NCIS fanfic. Most of the NCIS fic I’ve found is…underwhelming. Which makes me sad. But then. This! Is AMAZING! Not only that? It has Sheppard and McKay! And O’Neill on the phone! *waves hands incoherently*
Your characterization is magnificently perfect. So completely dead-on. You’ve got their dialogue quirks down, and their reactions, and. I’m just.
I’m sorry, I’m usually a lot better at leaving coherent, thoughtful feedback, but I’m just all “OMG YESSSS! *runs around in happy hamster circles* about this story. So I’ll quit while I’m ahead and just say, thank you for it!
Wow I loved this. I don’t think I have read this particular cross before. NCIS is my new love and Atlantis is my old one. I want more Your Sheppard and Mckay were great. And you mentioned Lorne. I love Lorne.
Off to see what else you have written because I’m hooked
This is fantastic - bringing 2 of my fav fandoms together seamlessly.
That was full of yay! I loved Gibbs’ perspective.
Ack!! Fantastic! This is great. I’ve been waiting for one like this to be written.
::glee::
I love John and Rodney from an outsider’s perspective. :o)
This story is made of win.
For it’s sequel? You do recall that McGee has a Master’s and went to MIT?
*Runs away. very fast*
I don’t even watch NCIS, and I loved this story! The way you portray Rodney is too awesome for words. And “Lieutenant Colonel Wearing Ratty Jeans”? Priceless.
Now. Since you do such a great job with crossovers, can I beg for a few more Eureka/SGA stories? *begs*
I loved this story. :) still smiling. I think you nailed the character voices wonderfully.
Oh yeah, you rock like a big rockin’ thing. Two great tastes that shouldn’t go great together (like chilis and chocolate) and yet they do. Thanks, and I add my voice to the multitudes clamoring for more!
This was a lot of fun to read. Nice job.
Bwah. That was so fun!
Now, I wonder if anyone’s ever done SGA/JAG…
I loved your first stories in the SGA fandom. Nowadays? Not anymore.
Each and every one of your McShep stories has a red-faced Rodney yelling furiously at some hapless idiots and Shep being cool about it. Please, learn some new tricks. This is getting tedious.
What you did manage to convey was the utter silliness that NCIS is.
oh, this is MARVELLOUS. through utter serendipity I’ve just spent this weekend watching NCIS S1 in its entirety, and this is the most wonderful cap to that - the characterisation on both sides is fantastic, and Sheppard dealing with his Marines made me flail madly, because I can see that so clearly. the part where he got to “During my leave” and I could just see the Marines crumpling up before my eyes had me giggling like crazy - I’m not sure if you’d know the reference or not, but it reminded me very much of Miles Vorkosigan dealing with his wayward techs in “Brothers in Arms” in tone - and pretty much seemed note-perfect.
thank you so, SO much for sharing this.
*is running in demented circles with glee*
Oh, awesome. Best start of a Monday morning ever. Thank you!
I am SO happy to see this. Two of my favorite shows, together at last! Yay! And so well written. I couldn’t keep the big dopey grin off my face the entire time I was reading. Thank you!
*falls down giggling* Oh, you made my day! I love both shows and this just got all the characters spot on.
*glances around* of course, now my mom is looking at me weirdly about why I am giggling
Oh my, why did I not think of this before? Gibbs and Sheppard would HATE EACH OTHER INSTANTLY!
Lovely!
*loves you*
He’s loose in the shoulders and unconcerned, and Gibbs thinks that if he had to call this guy his CO, he might die a little on the inside.
So this was all quite hilarious and I loved Gibbs’ P