So the preponderance of crazy homeless guys hissing “FISHWHORE!” on the subway today was high, therefore I kept my headphones on and thought about fanfiction — which inevitably led me to thinking about my new favorite guilty brain-vacation: X-Files/SGA crossovers. The more I think about it the more it makes sense to me, at least, and now I’m mired in this ridiculously romantic idea about the SGC and the NID and their finding Atlantis and abducting John to study him (a la Scully in One Breath) and Rodney going insane looking for him and this was the part where the crazy old guy yelled “WHORE WHORE!” at some guy reading the Post and ignoring him so I totally got distracted. But seriously folks! Think about this! The Lone Gunmen — aka Zelenka, Simpson, and Chuck! Jack O’Neil as Deep Throat! …Skinner as Skinner! IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE I COULD WEEP. And given the appalling number of times and episodes of the X-Files I’ve seen (read: all of them, multiple times), I really think I would love nothing more than doing AUs of the following episodes:
â€¢ One Breath (obvs.) — John’s been returned after having been kidnapped by the NID, but he won’t wake up, and John’s best friend Teyla is unsympathetic, calling McKay a coward and an ass for hiding in his apartment feeling sorry for himself and guilty instead of sitting by John’s beside.
â€¢ Grotesque — Rodney gets hauled back in to work his profiling magic with VICAP, and John spends most of his time picking fights with McKay’s detractors and making McKay eat and trying to get him to sleep in one of those delicious, Hannible-esque serial killing mysteries.
â€¢ Irresistible (because one of John’s Wraith boyfriends would totally be Donnie Pfaster) — Nobody inspires fucked up love ballads like John Sheppard. I’m just saying.
â€¢ Pusher — Cerulean blue….
â€¢ Small Potatoes (YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT, OKAY? SHUT UP) — McKay finally makes a move on him, which John realizes in retrospect should have been the first sign it was some sort of freak X-File.
â€¢ Emily — Because I’m a whore, and I want to see John’s babies that the NID created mostly so they could try to study the gene and also omg babies.
â€¢ Milagro — Rodney always knew he should hate his neighbors, and not just because they’re macking on his partner through their English literature.
There’s more, but I’m you know, withholding them to try and keep some of my (4) cool points.