East Coast Gazette

I’m not kidding! This never would have happened if only she’d been working on her Islam paper as she purportedly was supposed to! Guys I was innocently doing work and possibly playing Boomshine obsessively!

Mike had woken up feeling like he’d ODed on crystal meth and started hitting on Ryan Seacrest or something — and if the state of full-body soreness was any indication, he must have been hitting on somebody who hit back. It was a 7 a.m. Monday morning call, and so he didn’t feel that out of place stumbling into the lot with enormous Elizabeth Taylor sunglasses on clutching a bottle of Naked Pomegranate punch — fur-lined hood pulled tight around his face in an effort to keep out the rest of the world.

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