East Coast Gazette

Today, I bit off the head of a Santa Clause gummy sucker and gnawed at it for like, half an hour thinking about all the wasted thousands of dollars in dental work that would have to be redone with the magic of invisilines (it’s hard enough to be taken seriously as a chick who wears t-shirts and jeans in my business without you know, braces at 23, yo) when I have insurance again sometime in the distant future.

Also, I recalled, vaguely, a conversation I had with somebody (I seriously do not remember who) about the horrible mission reports Sheppard must write up.  I mean, seriously — think about it.  John’s totally the type to check all the boxes and fill in all the ovals and then write something in the summary section like, “We went to the village.  There was a pony,” and then fail to elaborate.  Maybe it’s some sort of conservation of blather rule or something because I bet McKay’s mission reports are all 20 pages long at the short end of the spectrum.

Of course, this also got me thinking about specific episodes:

“Childhood’s End”: Wraith shield discovered; McKay made bad Lost Boy jokes.

“The Brotherhood”:  We got a ZPM, then McKay hit puberty, and we lost it.  Genii continue to suck.

“Underground”: Beckett found love.  Didn’t work out.  New rule: scientists shouldn’t date.

“Condemned”: We went to the city.  Then we wore collars.  (See McKay’s attached note re: chafing.)

Just IMAGING having to read these things professionally makes me want to cry.

Oh, and also, a snippet, for those of you who were rooting for SGA/Bones AU:

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I watched a lot of TV this week, folks, but given that I had not one, but two lengthy job interviews, one of which was so poorly managed that they wrecked my entire day’s planned schedule and I ended up missing all of work I do not have the spirit to talk about them at length — so, superfast run-through of this weeks hits and misses utter the jump. (more…)

House?  You win.  Seriously.  I just — win.  Lots of win.  Will be elaborated on at a later date, also known as “probably tomorrow.”  You are my emotionally and somewhat physically abusive rich husband who sleeps around a lot, but God damn do you hit me good.

Eureka?  Not as impressed, even though I could hear psychic screams re: Michael Shanks’ guest appearance all the way from New York.  You can’t let House beat you.  House beats everybody, especially its wife (read: me), so I have to like you more.  You’re the strapping, unaware and sexually alluring (yet innocent) pool boy who scoops my leaves, and who always wishes I’d leave my husband and stop drinking so much.  You think I’m pretty, and like that I read books, etc. etc.

Bones?  ILU!!!! You are my one true friend in this deathtrap, and we do pilates and talk about wanting to bang my pool boy together.  Oh, and David Boreanez is so adorable in you, and even more adorable in conjunction with Bones — so adorable that I spent most of the episode making this noise: SQUEEEEEEAK.  Also, I loved the moment where Bones finally confronts Booth about how he could have kept Zac from going and — okay okay, I’ll write it up tomorrow.  Fine.

Last but not least:

NCIS?  I really hate Jenny Sheppard.  I also feel really bad for Jean since, and I am not even joking here, for most of the latter half of season four the only bearable plotlines on the show, for me, were the ones about Tony and Jean’s relationship.  I wanted them to have unnaturally attractive children together — and okay, come on.  I loved the twist about DiNardo.  You know you didn’t see it coming, either.  In conclusion: will write big OMG treatise soon.

(Oh, and today at work?  I started to write something called “How Jane Sheppard Got Her Groove Back.”  I think it’s officially time to hate myself.)

MY HEART IS BROKEN.  How could this BE?  I had such HIGH HOPES for their GENETICALLY PERFECT OFFSPRING.

Also, my God, folks, who else is totally psyched about the House M.D. and Bones premieres coming up Sept. 25th?  I am in fact so psyched I may be reverting to my stoked-related blindness, which while sad is totally on the level.  And if you aren’t already psyched, get a load of these awesometastic promo shots from the upcoming season of House (note the teddy bear wearing a freaking stethoscope — my God, so cute) and these encyclopedic general season three spoilers for Bones.

And also, dude, I should really get back to writing my freaking House fic, yo.