Does anybody else feel like God was sort of being like, a cosmic OKCupid for Dean and Castiel? Like, the Almighty kind of checked out Dean and was like, “Okay — very cute, good genes, loves his family (not like the other one, thank me), kind of rough around the edges but you know, Castiel likes projects,” and waved his hand and MFEO-ed them?  What? No? Yeah, me either.
Does anybody else also have a hangover from it? BECAUSE THAT SUCKED. WHAT THE SHIT WAS THAT? Okay, look — far be it for me to cast aspersions on a mostly awesome show that usually rocks my socks, especially since I spent a not-insignificant part of my Friday between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m. with my head hanging in a NYC subway trash can puking my guts out after revisiting my nonfunctionally alcoholic days — BUT OH MY GOD MY INTOXICATED RAVINGS ON THE N TRAIN WERE MORE COHERENT THAN THE RELATIONSHIP ARC IN THIS EPISODE.
Spoilers below.
(1) No, just kidding, they’re cuddling, I swear.
(2) ALSO I HAVE RETURNED FROM CHINA VICTORIOUS AND ALIVE. I was more worried about the second part than the first part, given the number of food-poisoning jokes my relatives in China made (”Ha ha! Poisoning infants is hilarious!”) (why am I related to these motherfuckers?) (also? Some really tasteless ones about melanin in milk powder and the Special Olympics. I mean, when I am skeeved out by jokes, omigosh) and given the fact that I ATE EVERYTHING EVER EVER. Seriously, I was concerned they’d have to roll me onto the maglev train toward the airport.
(Side note, if any of you are speed freaks and get a chance to ride a maglev? Do it, disregard the ache to your wallet. Sure, I dropped coin — but I also FLEW at 431 km/h and it compressed a 45 minute trip to the Pudong International Airport into a 7 minute jeans-creaming-rockfest.)
(Uh, disregard that last part.)
In conclusion, China was awesomesauce — links to a photopost to come shortly.
(3) While I was in China I listened a lot to my shuffle and kept thinking, “God damn it. I wish they’d just hire me to be an EP on Stargate: Universe.” No, seriously! Wait, guys! Stop hitting the back button, God damn you! No, listen, okay, seriously. And not like you listen to that guy who sells you the really good meth, all right?
Just think! What if, instead of being a teen angst and dramafest, Stargate: Universe was that combination of interpersonal relationships and scifi, worldhopping shenaniganry that we all love from the regular Stargate franchises? What if — instead of whatever the characters who are “attractive and sexy” the released bios say — we have something more like (extended pre-series au (I know, I hate myself, too) frothing-at-the-mouth below the cut that uh, Cesca has already heard parts of, poor woman) this: