East Coast Gazette

sdlfj omfg, supernatural.

Obviously, spoilers out my asscheeks.

So the actual title (I maintain that mine is superior) of “Lazarus Rising” is interesting to me for two reasons: one, it’s redundant, since you know, Lazarus :: rising as Jensen Ackles :: hott, essentially the same thing; two, Lazarus had a sister and Dean obviously also has a sister.  There’s also some stuff about Mary of Bethany, Lazarus’ sister, maybe anointing Jesus’ head with oils, but I’m still trying to process that Kripke decided to make Dean the Holy Son so let’s move on to

(1) It’s never too early to be shallow!  I love how Dean always looks so God damned good.  I know it’s probably a failing on the show to actually figure out a way to make him shitty, but hot fucking damn.  That man crawled out of a pine box and he looked good enough to eat.  He was being mauled to death, last season, by hell hounds, and he looked good enough to eat.  During his 28 Days Later flashbacks to the pit, even though obviously, ha ha, hell is awkward not awesome, his eyelashes were AMAZING.  God it kills me.  I don’t know how his momma and his girlfriend let him out of the house.  I’d just be threatening to kill bitches left and fucking right.

(2) Meanwhile, dude, Sam, I know you’re all depressed and possibly fucking Ruby (!!!) after Dean went and died on you or whatever — but Jesus Christ!  Wash your fucking hair!  Love, Dead!Mary, your  affectionate mother.

(3) New!Ruby Mainly, all I took away from it was that she’s not as awesome as Old!Ruby, but you know, first episode, and I’m trying not to hork something thinking about her touching Sam’s vagina, so you know, I’m struggling here, all right?  I’m also not entirely sure I get how she’s playing the character.  I’m sure Sam’s dick is awesome but how did she and Sam go from scathingly hostile to possibly banging (again: !!!) and her not wanting to “come between you and your brother”?  I mean obviously, she has to know she’s lose, like pre-emptively, but at the same time, what the hell?  Also, if Sam and Ruby really are together?  It’s kind of fucked up, and he’s already chosen his demon consort for when he reigns as boy king of hell.  WHAT YOU BITCHES WERE ALL THINKING IT.

(4) Speaking of hell.  What the hell?  I LOVE the angelic twist to this season so far, and the appearance of Castiel, the Angel of Thursdays (whose child, remember, has far to go, and what better way to describe Dean Winchester) and the obvious set-up of brother versus brother.  I want them to be brave and take this to hurtful places, but I always hope that Kripke and Co. remember that at the heart of the show is this relationship that’s carried us through so many stupid, horrible, gory episodes for three seasons, and that you can bend it, but please don’t break it.  With that in mind, please carry on with Dean as a warrior for God.  I cannot emphasize enough how totally fucking hot that shit is.  In other news: Sam is totally becoming a demon general.  I can sense it.

(5) But taking a step away from SPN’s mythology, it was just a tiny moment in the episode, but it made my heart clench when Dean glared at Bobby, disbelieving and sad, over his drinking.  It really reminded me that Supernatural’s heart is in Dean — Sam may be its pyrotechnics, and Bobby its wry and wise gruffness, but the flush of blood and love and devotion and — yes, absent religiosity — faith in this series is carried like a milagro in Dean.  Love it.  Love it so much I could take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.

In conclusion: HI SHOW.  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.  PS, PLEASE GIVE SAM GAY INCEST BABIES.  PLEASE.