East Coast Gazette

THE ANSWER IS INFINITY-MILLION TO THE POWER OF 26.

Obviously spoilers ho.

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So I’ve been a bear the last three weeks to just about everybody I know — some of it deserved, some of it not.  (Most of the stuff that’s internet related was, by the way, completely deserved.)  But either way, this is what has happened to me in the last couple revolutions:

• Been pulling the shitty late and Saturday shifts,
• Which are all staffed by a ravaging group of carrion-feeding whoreface managers,
• One of whom had the audacity to call me lazy and not a hard worker,
• Which of course prompted me to throw it down with her as much as you really can in a work environment because last time I checked, my payslip doesn’t read “hooker” and my job isn’t to eat her ass,
• Which of course made me start sulking about what raging cuntbags most women managers are and why, we as a sisterhood, are so fucking undermine-y,
• Which won’t be a problem starting Monday, because apparently I’ve been transferred!
• To the boys club!
• I’m not kidding!  I was told on Thursday!  At 4 p.m.!
• There’s not a single female manager on this team!
• And they’re all the crazyface people who work 14 hour days!  Half of them were logged into the office network via blackberry today — which is Saturday!
• Obviously I’m scared shitless!
• I don’t even have a desk assignment yet!  I guess all my ironical shit stays at my current office location for the time being!

It’s been a long couple of weeks, and it’s about to get longer.  Folks, I think I accidentally promised my dad I wouldn’t eat carbs for a month to see if I would lose any weight.  HOW DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO ME?

Dear whoever sent me the thing on Amazon — holy crap.  Dude, thanks!  Seriously: omg, thanks.

Also, super many thanks to Yin, who knows what she did, and how I owe her sexual favors and letting her have her way with my living room couch in perpetuity, and Abbylee, who redirected all the .html links so that they would turn to the PHP pages.  You guys rule!

It’s really really nice that every time I think I’ve reached the end of my rope with work and life and assorted shenaniganry of any kind, I’m lucky enough to know people who are just ROCKSOME and keep me from flinging myself off of a roof.  Hugs for everybody!

So.  I said it nicely.  I asked nicely multiple times in multiple places.  And since that didn’t work:

STOP ASKING ME WHEN I AM UPDATING.

Oh, and sports fans, you know who I’m talking to: have some fucking class or forget this URL.

So to comfort myself after the generalized ass of this week — only thing worse than the walk of shame, the post-game leaving the bar walk of shame — I watched Wet Hot American Summer.  And then I said: WHAT THE FUCK?  I DON’T REMEMBER THIS SCENE BEING IN THIS MOVIE — because of course, I probably watched it on TV during hot summer afternoons, and there was NO WAY any network was going to show Bradley Cooper getting fucked in the ass against a storage shed wall at 4:30 on a Thursday.  God bless DVDs.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch that movie 239487 bajillion more times.

For anybody who is tearing out their hair over why none of their bookmarked links to my stories on glitterati.talkoncorners.net are working, it’s because I commissioned (read: harassed) Yin into setting up my website again, built for easier updating using PHP — so if you’re getting a 404 message from a “.html” file extension, just backspace over it and switch in “.php” and everything should be working ship-shape after that.

So it appears that my iPod has taken flight — either I’ve lost it (I could swear I left it on my desk, but it’s not there and nobody in my office steals except from the supply closet) or it got lifted from my tote in the subway (I hope whoever has it hears all the gay porn podfic on it and is horrified).  This officially makes it — what’s the word?  BEST WEEK EVAR!!!!!!  I swear to God.  I could punch a baby right now.

I’m a pretty gullible, hyper person to begin with — put me in a news environment, multiply that by four.  PUT ME IN A FUCKING NEWS ENVIRONMENT WHERE EVERYBODY AND THEIR GODDAMN AUNT WAS PUTTING IN FAKE PRESS RELEASES AND MY HEAD NEARLY EXPLODES.  On my to kill list at this current moment, Engadget and Tribune Co. — more Engadget and their news post about Verizon buying AT&T for $25 billion dollars WHICH IF IT HAD SAID “SPRINT” I WOULD HAVE SENT FUCKING HEADLINES sdlkfjweaoidlfkdjf.  THIS HOLIDAY SUCKS.