I have no idea where this came from. Seriously: SGA snapshot!
Rodney’s plan of seducing John with sexy twin-engine aircraft and designer lofts crashes and burns around the 40th time John whines, “Come oooooon, Rodney,” and Rodney shouts, “Okay! Fine! I will do your fucking taxes!”
“Oh my God,” he says around a mouthful a pudding. It’s his fourth cup, and he should stop — Keller keeps making these noises about his cholesterol — but he just can’t get over it. “Oh, my God.”
“What?” Ronon grunts at him, peering down at the paperwork. “I don’t get it.”
“Of course you don’t,” Rodney snaps, stabbing a ballpoint onto the page. “These are taxes! These are John Sheppard’s taxes. These are John Sheppard’s taxes and he’s paying more in just capital gains than the entire sovereign nation of Canada!”
Ronon blinks at him. “What’s that mean?” he asks.
“It means Sheppard’s rich beyond your wildest dreams!” Rodney hisses.
“Oh,” Ronon says, shrugging. “That part I knew.”
Rodney chokes on his spoon.
“He also has a pony,” Ronon adds, twisting the knife.
“Yes,” Teyla says, claiming the seat next to Rodney. “I believe he told me that it was named Duchess Jasmine, but would not explain to me why he would prefer I not share that information with the others on the expedition.”
Rodney put his head down on the table and tries not to think about how John could probably personally solve the Canadian commercial paper debacle by writing some personal checks, but it’s hard. It sends Rodney’s entire carefully-plotted life plan out of whack, it’s pointless to buy Sheppard shiny things as leverage for ass when Sheppard could buy his own shiny things and have the asses of high class escorts and ladies who want to legitimately have sex with him anyway. It’s all so hopeless Rodney could cry. No wonder John had looked unimpressed by the ring Rodney had bought Katie: John could probably pay Superman to crush the ashes of the last Do Do bird into a diamond the size of Rodney’s left testicle.
“I did not understand exactly, though,” Teyla goes on, “where John made his fortune. Is his a family of merchants?”
“I guess,” Ronon says. “He said his dad sold utilities. Power and stuff.”
“Fuck!” Rodney says, mostly to himself. This is terrible. That is practically recession-proof. He wonders if Sheppard’s family business employs mark-to-market accounting or has shell companies in the Cayman Islands.
….Wow. I just realized that the number of nerdy accounting jokes in there could kill a yak.
*dies laughing*
I have been waiting for this fic forever. Thank you. Now I don’t have to write it.
“The number of nerdy accounting jokes in there could kill a yak.”
Maybe, but what a way to go!
Duchess Jasmine? *starts laughing uncontrollably*
I didn’t know, just how much I needed this fic in my life
*snicker*
… so it’s time to do taxes in the US of A, too - hm?
Hee! You kill me, every time :-)
I wish I knew accounting so I could benefit from the jokes! And yet, still much fun w/o them. :D
This is far, far too funny, but at the same time, I kind of feel for Rodney and his woe over having the legs cut out from under him. Great stuff.
I’m so glad someone wrote this.
The best part, except dodo testicle-sized jewel, was: “It sends Rodney’s entire carefully-plotted life plan out of whack, it’s pointless to buy Sheppard shiny things as leverage for ass..”
Loved that! Thank you.
Hate this stupid liveID-thing, when I’m not at home. Sorry about the blank post. Hate!
The fic, though… Love. So. Much. Love! John being rich (oh, wait, tell me that the fact he started playing golf at 6 was a clue) - oh… and now I get a sudden craving for High School musical/SGA fusion… - and Rodney’s plan and Superman and… *runs out of air, but not out of love* *flails like Rodney on coffee*
….Wow. I just realized that the number of nerdy accounting jokes in there could kill a yak.
And they were glorious! John/Rodney + jokes about my profession = love
I wish I knew accounting so I could benefit from the jokes! And yet, still much fun w/o them. :D
Right, so, if Ms. Pru gives permission, I, recovering accountant, will be happy to translate.
After I’ve buried the dead yak that just cannonballed into my front yard, that is…. :)
Too awesome! John could probably pay Superman to crush the ashes of the last Do Do bird into a diamond the size of Rodney’s left testicle. Hee!
go forth: TRANSLATE. :D
Oh, honey.
I’m just impressed I got the whole mark-to-market thing.
(omg, hiiii, how are you? I owe you like, five emails.)
Oh man, this is just hysterical. More, if you please.
John could probably pay Superman to crush the ashes of the last Do Do bird into a diamond the size of Rodney’s left testicle.
AHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD THAT IS AWESOME
Oh, poor Rodney. How will he buy Sheppard’s love now?
This is awesome. :D Poor Rodney, he’ll have to come up with a brand new seduction plan now.
This is awesome. My fav line:
“He also has a pony,†Ronon adds, twisting the knife.
Hilarious! You are at the top of your form. Princess Jasmine. You never fail to delight.
Ah tax season! Oh, Rodney-I guess you’ll just have to build John fabulously destructive weapons for ass instead.
it’s pointless to buy Sheppard shiny things as leverage for ass when Sheppard could buy his own shiny things and have the asses of high class escorts and ladies who want to legitimately have sex with him anyway. It’s all so hopeless Rodney could cry.
This was awesome. It made me happy. Also, I think I only understood about half of the accounting jokes, but I loved this anyway. :D
You never stop ruling all of Metropolis. Duchess Jasmine. xoxoxoxox
Hahahaha! That was *awesome*! I too think I missed some of the accounting in-jokes, but it was still completely hysterical.
Duchess Jasmine is now the name of Sheppard’s pony in my personal canon.
I loved this with a love as pure as my two-year-overdue tax returns.
But please, please, please write a few little follow-ons to the follow-on: brief windows into Rodney’s various attempts to find *alternatives* to seducing John with sexy twin-engine aircraft….
.glee.
“Oh my God,” he says around a mouthful a pudding.
okay, I have to go make some pudding now.
Hi, I’m a big fan of yours and love all your stories, especially of SGA variety. I thought you might appreciate this youtube video of Richard Feynman, one of the greatest physicist of our times. I can totally see Rodney getting drunk and doing this about John!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKTSaezB4p8
Hey Pru! You might like this story snippet:
http://siegeofangels.livejournal.com/383539.html?thread=1009203#t1009203
Ok so I know you don’t have internet [which if you're in NYC you can salve for a few minutes at the Apple store-a friend saw some guy making a call with a display iPhone!] but I had to post this before I forget-
sbdy I know who works at a big defense contractor [LM] was telling me how in “the old days” if you were a Lt. Col. in whatever branch, you would have to be married before you’d get full bird, because of the image they wanted [you] to present or sthg.[!!!]
which in terms of SGA brings up *even more* marriage-of-convenience story ideas, not to mention the whole pervy wife-swapping-as-male-bonding-exercise that we can thank the armed forces for, which…just fun. oh the possibilities.
yeah. umm, hope you’re having fun roughing it!
oh and also, Duchess Jasmine is totally fierce. She would so bite your arm off for John. oh god [starts imagining John brushing her hair and telling her his secrets, melts a little] ok I should go now.
Oh sweet jesus, the sheer number of accounting jokes…XD
Guess I’ll just pick them out for now: capital gains tax, commercial paper, leverage, recession proof industries (utilities), mark to market, shell companies, -Cayman Islands-. There might be more, but I was too busy laughing.
I am not an accountant. I am, in fact, painfully shite at math.
And yet, this makes me laugh so hard I could die.
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Ahem. Um. Would you maybe right more? I’d offer you my firstborn, but who wants somebody else’s smelly kid? So, um. Pleeeeaaaaase?
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I heart this!