House — Ya’ll saw that, too, right? That wasn’t just me?
Before I get started on the unending glee that is House — a note to everybody who’s been a dick to me so far in February: Happy fucking Chinese New Year to you, too. I hope you die in a fire. Oh, revision: I wouldn’t pee on you if you were on fire. Or: If you were on fire, I would pee 5 ft away from the maximum distance to which you could crawl.
Spoilers for last night’s episode, obviously, because given the option of writing utterly filthy underaged!Sheppard/McKay or you know gay doctors, the latter is easier on my wrists.
Dear Doris Egan,
Thank you for being alive, and for writing for House M.D.; I am glad that rumors are swirling that the writer’s strike will be over soon, because clearly you’re needed to steer the good ship Princeton-Plainsboro into it’s beautiful port by the lavender sea.
Love, Pru.
(1) Dear New Ducklings (Ducklingettes? Chicks? Chicklets? Dear fandom, discuss among yourselves), you should really know better at this point than to try to outgame House — he is smarter than you, but mostly, he just does less…other stuff than you. All that time 13 sits around perving on chicks and dudes (way to go, producers) or Taub worries about his wife finding out that he cheated on her and now he sort of wants her to shave her head and wear a wig and Kutner spends looking at photographs of Big Love and masturbating while crying — House sits around and thinks of ways to fuck with you guys. You guys should have just chipped in and gotten him cable from the outset, or learned to ignore him much in the manner of the mod squad previous to yourselves. However, despite the fact that my love for the magical trio of Foreman, Chase, and Cameron will never wane or eddy, I am becoming fond of Taub, Kutner, and 13, if only because I still call one of them 13 and the other one had a disastrously gay relationship with a Mormon. And also, I kind of adore Kutner on so, so many different levels.
(2) WILSON + AMBER = HOUSE CUTTING HIMSELF. AGAIN. OH MY GOD. I can’t decide what the most delicious aspect of Wilson and Amber (aka, Cutthroat Bitch) dating is, how pretty she is when she’s not figuring out a way to ruin the lives of other fellowship candidates, or the fact that um, Wilson is now canonically dating lady!House. Wait, no, I know, it’s how it’s making House completely and totally fucking insane. Guys, it was like watching God damn slash fanfiction on my television screen, with, admittedly, less anal sex as a conclusion, but I can pretend it’s going to happen offscreen in the near future, and not just because Wilson called them a couple! Not just because House said, “Oh God. You’re sleeping with me,” and limped off in mortification. Also, Amber’s delivery of, “It’s gonna be awesome,” was so killer that I let out an involuntary titter of delight every time I rewound and rewatched (uh, only 5 times, really), underlined by how she was wearing Wilson’s McGill sweatshirt and House looked like he wanted to chew it off of her body with his teeth and then for her to be killed to death with his hands. I loved the scene in the restaurant, I loved him breaking into Amber’s apartment. (Although, if in fact they’ve only been dating four weeks and Wilson already has her key? Pull out off the fucking highway and putter around on the local roads a little, will you Wilson? This is how you ended up with three alimonies to pay.)
(3) I loved, most of all, that this episode seemed to say: “Sometimes, Wilson just wants to be the girl in the relationship. Is that too much to ask? No.” That’s right Wilson. Vagina power. I think, as bizarre as the relationship is, it’ll be good for him, although that conversation that Cuddy had with Wilson in the clinic? About how she was going to leave a Wilson-shaped chalk line in the parking lot? I’m inclined to believe she’s right. I mean, obviously, I’m biased because in my head eventually Wilson and House get married, but I think as a character, Amber is more interesting when she’s true to herself — which when she’s a little cutthroat. Wilson’s nice, you know? But he’s not somebody you give up your dreams for, not unless your name is Greg House. Amber’s too functional and not crippled to go down this particular avenue. And I’m not going to lie: partly, I want her to fuck Wilson over so House can bring down the fires of hell on her.
(4) Just for shits and giggles, here is a dramatic reinterpretation of me watching House last night:
MASSIVE ATTACK: Love, love is a verb.
ME: It so fucking is, Massive.
(Some time passes.)
HOUSE: “Oh my God. You’re sleeping with me.”
ME: “SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM.”
WILSON: “We’re a couple!”
ME: “SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM.”
ME: “SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAM.”
ME: “SCREEEEEEEE-”
And then I was found dead, four hours later by a pack of wild dogs, having perished from a combination of acute joy and inability to process all the rampant homosexual TEXT on my television screen.
I watched this episode with three other slashers and two bemused/slightly horrified guys. It is now my favorite episode ever, and I’m interpreting the rampant rampant House/Wilson bisexual!13 as the writer’s apology to fans for the strike. It’s almost worth no more new episodes.
Dear God this episode was brilliant. RSL and HL really knew how to deliver their lines just right, where the dialouge could have doomed the scenes somewhat. It’s just…*happy sigh*
The “it’s going to be awesome” line made me clap in glee - if not because I like Amber, but because it was delivered in such a glorious way. And the whole House/Wilson thing. I’m pretty sure there are several slashers who perished during this episode, I was nearly among them.
The only way the next episode (whenever that will be) can be even more gay, is if Amber dumps Wilson, leading to him and House drunk and married in Vegas and deciding that they’re technically married anyway, so they might as well stay married.
“Pull out off the fucking highway and putter around on the local roads a little, will you Wilson?”
Four weeks is actually not that bad for Wilson? With Grace, I think he moved in a WEEK, if not a matter of days! The boy apparently only crashes in hotels/friend’s apartments while he’s girless.
“I want her to fuck Wilson over so House can bring down the fires of hell on her.”
YES PLEASE. (Not because Amber would deserve it, because Bad Things happen in relationships, but because House *would*). And then House needs to do the Hurt/Comfort thing with Wilson in his Special Way– stealing Wilson’s computer mouse and keyboard, substituting all of Wilson’s boxers with women’s unmentionables, etc, etc.
I’m dying to see this episode now. I saw frozen last night and was in throes of ecstasy at Wilson describing how House is when he likes someone and that being exactly hoe House is to Wilson, but this sounds even better. *bounce* =)
Dude. DUDE. I think I heard your screams, but they were drowned out by my own.
Dude.
(Doris Egan is on LJ, if you’re interested: http://tightropegirl.livejournal.com/profile.)
(Also, I kind of want this
it was like watching God damn slash fanfiction on my television screen, with, admittedly, less anal sex as a conclusion
to be an icon.)