Promotional stills from the upcoming SGA episode — wherein apparently Larrin ties John to a chair (!!!). I firmly believe that Rodney believes that despite his shrieky jealous tendencies that letting Larrin have her way with John would be okay since, you know, they’re the same person, it’s like watching twin girl-on-girl masturb-action, really!
Archive for December, 2007
I said, “Wow, I’m kind of into Nicholas Cage in this movie,” and then I threw up in my mouth a little.Monday, December 24th, 2007
So in lieu of spending all my free time leading up to Christmas fighting with my dad, I dragged him and my mother out of the house to see National Treasure: Book of Secrets, even though I hadn’t seen the first movie, and about oh, say, 10 minutes into it, I said, “Holy shit, this movie is really gay,” and about 20 minutes into it, I said, “Okay, but dude, Nicholas Cage is in it, and–no.”Â But then like, an hour mark into this film I said, “Fuck.Â I want him and Riley to have babies.”Â In conclusion, this, like the Da Vinci Code, was a movie that played into my conspiracy theorist tendencies, love of art/American history, and had dangerously codependent male relationships — Santa has been good to me this year, folks.
Teyla decided to tell them she was pregnant while they were trekking through the heavy forest around one of Sheppard’s favorite villages.Â Rodney walked into a tree and Ronon fell into a ditch, spilling ass over teakettle into a freaking babbling brook.Â John said, “Where is he?” and clutched at his P-90 harder than usual, because apparently, he’d grown up to become his father.
“There is no need for you to defend my honor, John,” Teyla laughed at him as McKay spat bark out of his mouth and Ronon kept slipping on water-slick rocks.Â “I hope you will be happy for me.”
“I am,” John promised, and squirming, felt compelled to try again: “Are you sure you â€” ”
“No,” Teyla interrupted, gentle, and put a hand on his elbow.
And then the headwoman of the Hallicinians met them at the apex of the forest and welcomed them with fond kisses to their cheeks â€” “Slut,” Rodney muttered, when John got two, for being adorable â€” and ushered them into the village.
The situation didn’t improve any when they got back to Atlantis, whereupon John and Rodney and Ronon realized Keller had not only known since the beginning, but had conspired with Teyla to keep them in the dark.Â For that, she suffered their sitting around the infirmary pouting at her the entire time she did their post-mission exam, until she finally cracked and shouted, “You three know about doctor-patient confidentiality!Â It’s not like I could have told you even if I wanted to!”
“Also, I did not want her to tell you,” Teyla reminded them.
“You gave Rodney my medical files,” John said.
Rodney blushed.Â “Um.”
Keller, frowning, turned to Rodney.Â “No, I didn’t,” she said, narrowing her eyes.
“McKay!” John shouted, as Rodney shouted over him, “Okay, so I might have exagerrated how legal my acquisition of your medical history was, but it was only out of fraternal love that I did it, okay!”
Ronon turned to Teyla.Â “Why didn’t you want us to know?” he asked.Â “Did you think McKay would think it was Sheppard’s?”
Rodney made a furious squeaking noise of protest even as Teyla said, “Well, yes, but also because I did not want to be treated any differently by my team.”
“I am shocked and offended,” Rodney told her, scowling.
“I want to know if it’s a boy or a girl,” Ronon said.
“I want to know why McKay would think it was me!” John snapped.
“And I want everybody to shut up so I can finish this God-forsaken exam,” Keller muttered.
Today, I bit off the head of a Santa Clause gummy sucker and gnawed at it for like, half an hour thinking about all the wasted thousands of dollars in dental work that would have to be redone with the magic of invisilines (it’s hard enough to be taken seriously as a chick who wears t-shirts and jeans in my business without you know, braces at 23, yo) when I have insurance again sometime in the distant future.
Also, I recalled, vaguely, a conversation I had with somebody (I seriously do not remember who) about the horrible mission reports Sheppard must write up.Â I mean, seriously — think about it.Â John’s totally the type to check all the boxes and fill in all the ovals and then write something in the summary section like, “We went to the village.Â There was a pony,” and then fail to elaborate.Â Maybe it’s some sort of conservation of blather rule or something because I bet McKay’s mission reports are all 20 pages long at the short end of the spectrum.
Of course, this also got me thinking about specific episodes:
“Childhood’s End”: Wraith shield discovered; McKay made bad Lost Boy jokes.
“The Brotherhood”:Â We got a ZPM, then McKay hit puberty, and we lost it.Â Genii continue to suck.
“Underground”: Beckett found love.Â Didn’t work out.Â New rule: scientists shouldn’t date.
“Condemned”: We went to the city.Â Then we wore collars.Â (See McKay’s attached note re: chafing.)
Just IMAGING having to read these things professionally makes me want to cry.
Oh, and also, a snippet, for those of you who were rooting for SGA/Bones AU:
(1) I totally forgot that “This Mortal Coil” was going to be on last Friday, and wow.Â Wow.Â All I can say now is, “Oh my God, why has nobody written the futurefic in which McKay and Sheppard find their alternate, nanite versions and discover that they are happily married in some sort of village with babies and feel intense jealousy and McKay abortively tries to hit the other John who is like, ‘um, no, that’s super tacky, McKay,’ and bring me intense joy?”Â WHY FANDOM,Â WHY NOT?
(2) Anybody know where I can download season 1 and 2 episodes of Bones?Â I need them for uh.Â Research purposes.Â SHUT UP.Â Â (Don’t say Bittorrent, I’m already torrenting and it’s telling me it’s going to take three more days which I CANNOT TAKE, Y’ALL).Â You know you want the horrible SGA/Bones AU, too, okay!
Okay so I am about to head back to the sweet arms of North Carolina for a three-week reprieve before heading back up North for work again — and I beg of you, sweet readers, which of these ideas inspired by my recent reading and viewing habits would be the worst slash best?
â€¢ Rodney McKay, forensic anthropologist; John Sheppard, dashing, single-father FBI agent who once shot a clown.Â (SEE, IT MAKES SENSE: THEY BOTH HATE CLOWNS.)
â€¢ Podcasting Share
â€¢ John Sheppard: geisha (seriously, I hate myself, too)
â€¢Â Macdonald Hall/Twinkie Squad AU: this time, it’s Boots who makes first contact.Â And not in the groin area, either.
If this were an ideal world, I’d have a House story for every night of this challenge, since House seems to be my fandom of celebrating the Jewish holidays, but since the world is not ideal, all I can do is you know, light an imaginary candle and allow visions of House’s Hanukkah 2008 presents dance through my head. First up: Hello Kitty Vibrator. I’m sure he does it out of love.
ETA: …”challenge?”Â oh my God, I meant to say “miracle.”Â Or, you know, “celebration.”Â Can y’all tell I’m obsessing over 14 Valentines already?Â Lord.
SCREAM. SCREAM. SCREAM. SCREAM. OH MY GOD SCREAM.
Spoilers (and a metric ton of images) under the jump.