So.
How do you deal with a pervasive sense of failure? Because seriously — I’ve been on the edge of tears for about three days now.
How do you deal with a pervasive sense of failure? Because seriously — I’ve been on the edge of tears for about three days now.
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I usually bake. Today, I’m making lemon bars, because I’m freaked out about an upcoming trip.
I listen to a lot of music, preferably metallica. And then I try on my pollyanna suit wherein I think of all the things that are still not broken. It works, sometimes :/ Am on IM if you need to chat, sweetie.
Throw myself into something I can accomplish given time. Like knitting a scarf or doing a fuck off tiny jigsaw puzzle, or writting something that will never in God’s name see daylight because it’s the worst kind of Mary Sue bad-fic in existence.
And then I find a bunch of girlfriends and watch bad movies together.
What’s going on? Email me, maybe I can help.
I do something to feel constructive, like go for a long run. It also gives you happy endorphins.
Or I put my coat on and take a good book (Flashman!) to a place full of people I don’t know, like a cafe or a nice park, and sit surrounded by them enjoying being part of humanity and being alive on this planet, with this sky (without actually having to talk to anyone).
Hope you feel better.
I lie on the floor and brood a lot. Try to bury my mind in something else, usually games or stories. If you need someone local to talk to, uh, you know how to find me. *concerned*
I call my friends and family and tell them, point-blank, “I am feeling like poo. Please un-poo me,” and then they tell me what a great and talented person I am and that whatever failures I’m going through will pass.
So hey:
You are a great writer, an amazing and formidable and jesus, *young* talent that is going to take over the damn world one day because of how good you are. Whatever setbacks you’ve encountered so far will be fodder for your memoirs one day - and believe me, there will be memoirs - and you just have to keep in mind that your life isn’t defined by this. Remember just how many people have come to like you and admire you without ever having met you - your stories and journals have brought people together and made them happy, or made them cry or made them think, and that power alone means that you will never, ever, be a failure.
Okay, now go find a mirror and a beret, sing yourself the “Mary Tyler Moore Show” theme song, and throw the beret up in the air. DO NOT throw the mirror, no matter how carried away you get. I’ve learned that this always ends badly.
I have a tendency to put together a plan of action. I figure out what I can do and what I need to do to get where I want to be. Then I start working on it. So even if it takes 3 years to get there I don’t feel like a failure because I’m making an effort.
Not everything can happen right away. So, figure out a plan, start it and then do what everyone else suggested to forget about it.
That’s what works for me. Maybe not everyone else, but I just jumped ship from one potential career to another. It’s been two years and there will be one more before I get anywhere, so I’m familiar with the feeling.
I clean my closet, which at least leaves me feelng like I’ve done *something*.
The Withdrawal Method: I read a lot of porn until everything goes away.
The This Is Not Happening Method: Woman only fails when man does something that makes her appear to be failing.
The No, Really Not Happening Method: Depending on the situation, I do something at which I am extraordinarily unlikely to fail. This, unfortunately, generally involves pissing someone else off.
It really all depends on what makes you think you’re failing, but sometimes focusing on the extreme amount of achievement in your life (the list of them involved in getting out of college alive is mind-boggling) and realizing that sooner or later, you’ll kick the ass of this one, too, might help.
I feel a sense of failure a lot too, so again I have no useful advice. I just hope you feel better soon. ::sloppy emotional hugs::
Usually, I go for a walk on the beach or take a drive up to the Quinalt rain forest and just ignore everything else for a while. Since you’re in the Seattle area, you might try Discovery Park, or take a drive to Point Defiance. Both are great places to ignore the rest of the world, especially in this weather.
After I get settled enough to deal, I volunteer with some organization or other, which helps a lot. Then I go and kick the ass of whatever project or circumstance that made me feel like a failure.
Hope things settle out and that you get back on a more even keel soon.
1) Cooking.
2) Making graphics (icons, headers, etc.) with music playing loudly.
3) Pulling up my comfort fics and re-reading them.