Top 10 Most Appalling Fanfictions I Have Ever Read, And Believe Me, I Have Read Some Really Appalling Shit.
(10) The story in which — and I could not make this up if my life depended on it — Tony is a cop falsely accused of corruption in a world still ruled by Roman concepts, and is rescued into manslavery by Gibbs. Who then takes him to Italy and keeps him naked (a lot). In between, there’s a cameo with Nick and Grissom, who appear for no other reason other than to give Grissom an opportunity to spank Nick half to death out of master-ly love.
(9) The story in which Draco Malfoy discovers that one can put drumsticks up their bottom, and Lucius discovers it is possible to be jealous of an inanimate object — at least until your son starts inquiring about putting his daddy’s thing up there with the drum sticks.
(8) The story in which Lex Luthor actually gets picked up as Overlord Kal-El’s sexual plaything. Only it was really bad. I’d say the magical “w” word but then it’d give it away like that.
(7) The story in which (God, it causes me physical pain to think about this one) Rodney McKay’s first military-background boyfriend was gay-bashed to death and so he was thereby vilified by said boyfriend’s family for causing his demise, his second big gay boyfriend used to emotionally and physically abuse him to the point that — and this is where it gets really amazing — Rodney is afraid to be yelled at. Which is just terrible for him and John since John’s father murdered his mother in front of John’s very eyes so he’s very prone to rage blackouts and yells at Rodney in their joint therapy sessions.
(6) The story in which Booth is injured in a horrible accident and Brennan has to take temporary custody of Parker, Booth’s son — and everybody calls Brennan “Tempey” and she and Parker BOND IMMEDIATELY LIKE MOM’S AND LITTLE BOYS WHO ARE MEANT TO BE YOUR BABY ARE WONT TO DO. And then she and Booth get married.
(5) The story in which Tony has a literal nervous breakdown after Ziva invites the entire NCIS gang over to her house for dinner and does not include him — and that continues onward with all characters realizing in mute horror that Tony is so depressed and totally cutting himself and that Ziva didn’t even try to invite him, so they start tormenting her as much as possible to get her back for breaking Tony’s heart. Even Gibbs vows to get her back for this unspeakable wrong against his boy man sorry wrong story having PTSD flashbacks to the Roman Empire one.
(4) The story in which Clark has shitbabies. All you bitches in SV fandom know which one I’m talking about. Don’t look at me like that. You read it, too.
(3) The story in which John Sheppard is kidnapped and made a harem slave/sex slave/man slave/cock slave/some kind of sexually exploitive slave that eroticized forced sexual intercourse. YES THERE ARE A LOT OF THESE TO FUCKING CHOOSE FROM.
(2) The story in which Caldwell spends a lot of time having questionable-consent sex with Sheppard and unironically forces Sheppard to call him “Daddy.” And then General Hammond joins in or something. I try not to think about it too much — it was that blue page with the yellow text, and once I realized what I was highlighting to read, I nearly slapped myself stupid. (This is the same genius that brought us Kavanagh Has Violent Rape-Murder Fantasies About John! story.)
(1) The story in which — uuuuuuuuuuuugh — John has a seriously exploitive semi-sexual relationship with not at all mildly autistic Rodney McKay.
I’m so sad that I can name the exact fics you’ve listed.
D:
(Did you get Ze Package?)
Ohgod I’ve read #5 :D it was hilarious :D
The story in which Booth is injured in a horrible accident and Brennan has to take temporary custody of Parker, Booth’s son
That could’ve been something, you know, if handled well. Which is, with appropriate levels of ensuing disaster and shenanigans.
dude, i totally remember reading #10 with slowly-dawning horror and - can you PLEASE provide links if you are going to goat.xe us like that?
I’m pretty sure #1 is the fic that randomly pops into my head and makes me vomit a little bit in my mouth. So glad it’s not just me, there should be a support group.
Oh god, some of these are giving me horrifying flashbacks!
OMG, I think I’ve read at least 5 of these. Now I have to work with my eye all twitching and stuff. Thanks for the flashbacks.
No. 10? It’s a ‘world’ that includes SG-1, NCIS, The Sentinel, Without a Trace and a whole bunch more I can’t remember. I stumbled across the Sentinel one once upon a time but the series was rec’ed to me later on and then I promptly beat my friend over the head for it.
I read the shitbabies story. Why? WHY?
I’d say the one where the locals wish to punish Rodney for some minor infraction by gang-raping him, and John tells him to “suck it up” would be a worthy addition to your list. Or of course, Rodney selling his ass for cabbages, how could you forget that one? UGH
The story in which it is revealed that, although female vampires don’t menstruate after their undeaths, male vampires do.
OK - so, I do get your feeling of “The Horror… *the HORROR*” when you recount these fics.
But.
Do you really want to be reminded that you’re the one who’s written fics about Predator!Rodney and BatteredSpouse!John? And MADE THEM COMEDIC? I mean, I’m basically waiting for you to just go for the “Rodney turns into a cat and John has inappropriate relations in which ‘purring’ is used in a whole new context” cliche (and yes, I’m as horrified as you are that it’s now a cliche) just to fuck with us.
Hey, Pru, you totally forgot forgot the one with the porn star that includes the words “flesh rocket.”
Oh god, this is hurting me. Or you know, making me laugh until I cry.
Actually, yes, I did! The pen and the notebook are awesome — your pen has already contributed to a number of articles, as you should know.
I *DO* do these things to mess with you — why would you think any different?
…I have no idea what you’re talking about and I *HATE YOU* for putting that mental image in my head.
Which image? The bestiality fic or the flesh rocket? Because both of those are FABULOUS CONCEPTS.
Although I still think my favorite euphimism for the penis from a badfic is “manpiece.”
Now I SO want links so I can read these things - for fun! Yes, I’m sick and twisted that way… *facepalm*
(3) The story in which John Sheppard is kidnapped and made a harem slave/sex slave/man slave/cock slave/some kind of sexually exploitive slave that eroticized forced sexual intercourse. YES THERE ARE A LOT OF THESE TO FUCKING CHOOSE FROM. Have you read In the City of Seven Walls by Auburn? It’s that type of cliche story, written with some definite class! (and I didn’t believe I would ever say that.)
And the fic where Draco + drumsticks + Lucius = horrible flashbacks from that time I scarred my brain. I wish I had extra-strength mouthwash for my HEAD!
Jesus god. I can’t decide if I’m more appalled by #7 or #1 (in part because the descriptions horrify me for totally different reasons). But the thing I have to ask is: you said “read.” As in, you finished all of these? Because I think some of them would make me yank the battery out of my laptop in my haste to get them to go away.
Must. find. links. to (7) and (1). I’m in such a masochistic mood today.
Thankfully, I have no idea what the hell you are talking about. My delicate sensibilities thank you.
Your summary of #7 was a laugh riot. Of course, if I’d been forced at gun point to read the fic itself, I’d probably be spilling state secrets like a laundry list. You have my condolences for your pain and suffering.
I actually know the NCIS ones (it’s a much smaller fandom). The really bad part is where for parts of those fics the writing wasn’t even that bad, just the ideas…
Of number 10 I just read the first chapter 5 lost me as a reader when Gibbs had McGee download lovesongs for a CD for Tony. (Or shortly thereafter)
You don’t have the fic where Tony needs to pretend to be a DOG in his free time and Gibbs and Abby (in a Dom/Sub-relationship) pick im up as their pet in THE HUMAN PET SHELTER. He has a special name and was also mistreated by his previous owner. It hurts my brain just to think about it.
(In NCIS I have found a lot of kink that is kind of borderline for me. I don’t want to discriminate against anybody because I don’t know enough about it to know where it becomes unhealthy, but some of it is just hard to believe)
Then of course there is the bad-fic of awesome (SGA, there was this whole challenge) for everybody who loves unicorns:
http://svmadelyn.livejournal.com/321001.html?thread=3854569#t3854569
Now I’m reading down this list and the comments, alternatively going “OMG, someone actually wrote that?!”, “I think I read that; it made my eyes bleed”, “Wait a minute, but I liked that one,” and “Oh, I so have to read that. Link! Link!”
Oh God, the John-as-sex-slave trope - I know this is popular in SGA fandom, but it always squicks me - always! Perhaps as a result of reading Cartography of Touch …
\o/ I’m so glad! I tried to find those really thin and multicolored pens you coo’d over way back, but couldn’t find them. The bunny pen is the best pen I’ve ever come across that’s of that thinness. :D
(4) The story in which Clark has shitbabies. All you bitches in SV fandom know which one I’m talking about. Don’t look at me like that. You read it, too.
OH GOD WHY DID YOU MAKE ME REMEMBER THIS?
…AND ALMOST ALL OF THE OTHER SMALLVILLE AND SGA ONES IN THE PROCESS???
*hides under a pile of the really really good fics that are seriously worth more than diamonds because, dear god, SHITBABIES are just the tip of the iceberg*
Just piping up to second the notion that everybody who has been scarred by the JohnSexSlave! cliche needs to read “City of Seven Walls” by Auburn. http://www.eternalvox.net/~auburn/citysevenindex.html Just because it is SO wellwritten and does deal with all the issues that would come from something like that.
Some of the fics you listed are just very ridiculous, but 9 and 1 (especially 1) come with so many issues… (my father works with severely disabled people. I might not always be comfortable around them either, but just makes me more concious of abuse themes.)
I read exactly 2 HP fics and the last one scarred me for life. A (sentient? enchanted?) broom was involved and somehow Snape fucked with it. Or actually, it was the brook that fucked him. *shudders* I’ll never read an HP fic ever again. I’m too afraid to find and accidentally read nightmares-inducing fics like the one I mentioned.
#2. Are you SERIOUS??? You’re not making this one up, are you? OMG *cries bitter tears* WHY?? WHY writers do stuff like that to John? Why? And they claim they don’t hate him! Pfft! Just like #3, I loathe that genre and I don’t get how other “fans” might really like it. What’s the fun in seeing someone humiliated/abused/raped? Just *thinking* about it hurts me.
I thank Sweet Baby Jesus that I never read #1. Or #7 although I did read a similar fic to this one. *shivers*
Ok so maybe I should just shut up, but I want to say something to blueocean80’s reply. As I’ve said in my reply to the next post I do accept, that some people can’t read this kind of fic. That’s fine. But one thig I sure didn’t think was that seeing John hurt and abused was fun! It was heartwrenching and terrible and it hurt to see how it srewed him (and Rodney by association) up. Also there was no instant healing or any of that. Even after being freed they weren’t really free at all.
What I want to say is that in stories bad things can happen to people! I mean the TV series had him fed upon by a Wraith (even though it was then reversed) turned into a bug etc. So canon has done a lot of horrible things to the characters, yet we all say that we enjoy watching the show, yet I will not accuse anybody of enjoying seeing the characters hurt.
I didn’t “enjoy” reading the fic I mentioned above. It really broke my heart in places. But it is really well written and does mosly describe the effects the events have on John and Rodney.
My first reaction to the whole post was that it was mostly meant to be funny in the way where you go: How could anybody even think this was remotely plausible. Most of the fics that were pointed out are ridicoulous and terribly out of character. Which I fell the story I mentioned isn’t. I am sorry that rape/slave-fic didn’t just fall into the chategory where you think it is done very badly. (I usually don’t read those fics for that reason and because I’m not usually in the mood those fics put me in if done well).
Hi Feanna, maybe I should have explained my point better. There are beautiful fics that deal with the aftermath of whatever happened to John in a sensible, sensitive and heartbreaking way and I’m okay with those fics. I like some of them.
What I don’t get and don’t enjoy are all the other fics, pretty much 98% of the slavefic “genre”, in which whatever have happened to John is described in very vivid details (and that wouldn’t be per se bad even if that’s not my cup of tea, but hey, everybody is entitled to enjoy whatever they want), but what truly always shocks me is how many writers tend to write and/or justify whatever happened to John. Ie. John provoked the attacker somehow. John is “pretty” and hence he makes a good sex slave. Hell, I happened to stumble upon fics in which the rape or “forced” sex or however you want to call it is described like a love scene? That’s what I don’t get. That’s the kind of fics I was thinking of when I wrote the comment. Fics in which the subject matter is eroticize. My mistake, there are probably dozens of good slavefics in which none of that happens, and I’m truly sorry if I tend to think that the fics I read somehow follow the genre’s unspoken “guidelines”. I will try not to do that mistake again (mind you, maybe I’ve been burned too many times and I’m not an impartial reader anymore, but hey, that’s only my personal experiece). In any case, I should have phrased my comment better and I didn’t mean to sound like I was accusing anybody.
I’ve actually (thankfully!) never read any of these. But if you’re interested in bad fic, you should read the Sylum series. It’s a multi-fandom crossover with every fandom you can think of, and it’s so SO bad. CSI, CSI: Miami, NCIS, SGA, freaking Lara Croft, Buffy, you name it it’s there. But it gets worse… they’re ALL VAMPIRES. And they’re ALL GAY.
Do you have a link for the Bones one, by any chance?
No 1 was so bad and fanonically wrong. Umm…Ai No Kubishi (wait, wrong name, the one you recced for anime vids) is my model of the master-slave relationship; because the love man, the love.
No. 5!! OMG. LOL.
Okay seriously, nothing is more cruel the posting summaries like these and then NOT providing a link! At the very least I’ll nead a name/author/link for number 1, for my Deranged Mckay master list! IF THERE IS AUTIST MCKAY I MUST HAVE IT!
(btw the hot blooded sga woman link on glitterati isn’t working)
oh it burns, how it burns!
trolling through sga_storyfinders, i found the following entry:
“blundered past someone’s description of these and OMG I must read these!
1) John is having a nasty afair with Caldwell and has to call him ‘daddy’… and then maybe Hammond joins the fun?
2) John is taking advantage of a Rodney who’s apparentally written in a way that he comes of as autistic (or maybe he is, I don’t know).
3) Rodney’s first boyfriend was gaybashed to death. The second was an abusive freak. And then Rodney is left an emotional wreck who can’t handle getting yelled at. Unfortunately he ends up in group therapy with a fucked up Sheppard to tends to explode in anger and YELL!
Please if you recognize these, or can give me some more details to help me look, let me know.”
*SCREAMS* SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO FIND THESE FICS!?!?!?!? ASLKDFJALSDKFJLSKDJFLDSKJF!!@#!@!#$!#$!@
That was me. Come on! Try to deny Pru’s description doesn’t make you want to read these! I dare you! I’m still searching desperately for the Draco drumstick thing. Just reading about it nearly broke my mind!
Is 1) Basura?
Having read 10 and 5, I am in complete agreement. I cringed repeatedly.
Why aren’t there links so we can see the awesome horror for ourselves? I never turn down a chance to be scarred for life.
Though, the two ones that make my personal list are as follows:
1. Harry, still a kid at Hogwarts, is pregnant, and for about three chapters I was mentally begging the father not to be who I thought it was. Unfortunately, I was right. It was Dumbledore.
2. Daniel is captured and tortured (sexually and otherwise) by an oc (who I totally thought was a man, but turned out to be a woman *shrugs*) and then after he is dropped back off at the SGC from his “training” believes that Jack will take him back there if he isn’t cooperative and obedient. Now, this wouldn’t be so bad if the torture section did not encompass most of the story and was pretty much the most horrifically graphic thing I’ve ever read, and I’ve read a lot of Stephen King.