I like to think I’m not a ballbuster, but who am I kidding.
[SCENE: Finn MacCool's on "the Ave," as whorebaggish bleached blond UDub tweenies refer to it [eta: I have been alerted that most EVERYBODY calls it "the Ave," and now I am forced to assume that everybody who I heard referring to it as University Avenue in the bar was only doing so because they were, like me, grossly intoxicated. D: Note my distress.], and what everybody else calls “University Avenue” on Monday night Pub Trivia — packed house, hideous intoxication, trivia master forced to do jaegerbombs every time he messes up reading: it’s good stuff, folks. My cube-farm mate, work colleague one, work colleague two, some guy, and that dude, are part of a team that is kicking some serious ass. We are kicking it left and right. Visualize this.]
TRIVIA MASTER (after his second jaegerbomb): Okay! Last question!
EVERYBODY (all trashed): YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!
TRIVIA MASTER: Name the album this song is on!
[HORRIBLE MUSIC starts to play, recognizable to me -- who spent most of my 14th year on this Earth lying on my bedroom floor listening to this album and staring at the ceiling and really feeling it -- instantly as Celine Dion's "All Because of You."]
WORK COLLEAGUE ONE: What the fuck?
WORK COLLEAGUE TWO: I have no idea.
CUBE-FARM MATE: FUCK.
SOME GUY: This is Celine Dion.
THAT DUDE: This is totally Celine Dion.
ME: I CAN FUCKING PICTURE THE CD COVER.
THAT DUDE: ME TOO.
ME: ARGH.
THAT DUDE: Put down Because You Loved Me.
ME: I don’t know.
THAT DUDE: Put it down! I’m telling you: do it!
[SILENCE FALLS at the table as work people and some guy all go still in awareness.]
THAT DUDE: Uh.
ME: Do I look like the type of woman who takes orders from guys?
THAT DUDE: …
ME: Well?
THAT DUDE (feebly): No.
This is why I’m going to DIE ALONE: because I SCARE RANDOM DUDES AT BARS.
June 19th, 2007 at 10:45 pm
Dude, what do you need guys for? Do you or do you not have my ring? Huh, huh?
June 19th, 2007 at 11:08 pm
If I were a dude, I would think that was totally hot. Alas, I am a woman, and married. Still, that does not reduce the badassitude. As a former Quiz- and College-Bowler, I understand the boys trying to boss us around. Not cool. Thank you for standing up. Husband points out that any dude who thinks he knows more than you or I re: Celine Dion needs to shut the hell up in any case, so there’s that.
Also, hooray for hideous intoxication! Best way to play trivia games.
Y’all won, right?
June 20th, 2007 at 2:11 am
“the Ave,†as whorebaggish bleached blond UDub tweenies refer to it, and what everybody else calls “University Avenueâ€
just fyi, no one i’ve met in my two years here has called it anything but the ave. and none of my time here has been as a uw student.
but as for the rest…scaring random bar guys is a good approach to life imho, so, well done!
June 20th, 2007 at 2:14 am
ARE YOU SERIOUS? That’s TRAGIC. I’m in physical pain here. GOD. However, ya’ll have a seriously beautiful campus — I know. I got lost in it for like an hour.
June 20th, 2007 at 3:13 am
omglawdork: speaking as a dude, I agree that forcefulness (/scariness) can be hot, but it is typically preferable for someone not to have an irrational vendetta against your entire gender.
June 20th, 2007 at 8:22 am
I think it’s hot: rock on. And besides, you’ll do better in life for having backbone than not.
love, Katie
June 20th, 2007 at 8:54 am
Watch - next time you see him, he’ll either a) cower in abject terror, b) ask you out on a date, or (my personal favorite!) c) ask you out on a date *while cowering in abject terror.*
June 20th, 2007 at 8:56 am
*hearts you*
June 20th, 2007 at 1:27 pm
Dear Heart
I am not sure what to make of the above, except for ONE thing. Straight guys don’t recognize Celine Dion, especially in the first few seconds of her song (or if they do it’s because of a former girlfriend and that would come out to.) Some Guy and That Dude were probably there together and some special kind of thrilled that they didn’t accidentally do their drag version of it. Why worry about scaring random gay boys?
–from a nice homosexual in San Francisco
June 20th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
However, ya’ll have a seriously beautiful campus — I know. I got lost in it for like an hour.
What I’ve seen of it while driving by was pretty.
But OMG, have you seen the library yet?! The *public library*?
It’s been 2 1/2 years and I still haven’t completely recovered.
June 20th, 2007 at 7:17 pm
The best part about the Ave is: it’s not even really an avenue. Its name is University freakin’ WAY. D:
June 21st, 2007 at 9:43 am
i can’t figure out how to reply to your reply so i’m posting again. yes i’m serious. i kind of like it, though mostly i don’t really notice it b/c it seems so normal.
though it does bother me that the street is technically University Way and it’s called The Ave. “The Way” doesn’t sound good, but “The Ave” is inaccurate.
As for the beauty of UW, I haven’t actually spent much time there. When I have been on campus it’s generally been to change busses or to go to the School of Social Work which isn’t really in the pretty part.
June 23rd, 2007 at 8:44 am
Yeah, I’m pretty sure it’s not even actually University Avenue, but University Way. I just took the younger brother on a college tour there and that was one of the first things mentioned when we asked for directions to the school.
July 1st, 2007 at 12:51 am
Holy shit, you’re in the U-District? Since when??? I might have, like, seen you and not known it.
Also, I was totally confused as to why it was called “the Ave” when it’s not an Avenue but a Way, but apparently it’s because it used to be an avenue? And the nickname stuck even when the name was changed.
June 25th, 2009 at 3:44 am
Cheap airfare….
Cheap airfare tickets. Cheap airfare….
April 12th, 2011 at 6:36 am
Hello Everyone! I like watching BBC Football online.